Derrick and Kyle, two childhood best friends, take a difficult subway ride out to the heavily Russian neighborhood of Sheepshead Bay. They move into a dilapidated house that Kyle inherited from his grandmother and discover an old Russian squatter (Vladimir) living in their basement. Derrick becomes smitten with a cute neighbor (Katya) despite her younger brother Georgi's potentially lethal housewarming present. Kyle loses a serious pool bet that lands the two guys deep in debt to Yvgeny, a Russian gangster, and his rapper henchmen, Horace and Boris. Despite these setbacks, the two Americans pledge to fix up the house, repay their debts, and carve out a life in Sheepshead Bay.

To pay back their debt to Yvgeny, Kyle and Derrick decide to go to work. Vlad gets Kyle a job kneading dough at an old school Russian bakery. Derrick works as a towel boy in a Russian steam room which Yvgeny happens to frequent. The grizzled Russian gangstar recounts his origin story in which he was childhood best friends with Mikael Baryshnikov. After a botched shoplifting attempt, Yvgeny wound up in prison while Baryshnikov successfully hid from the KGB. Baryshnikov became the most celebrated Russian dancer in history while Yvgeny was expelled from the dance academy and became a "man about town" in Sheepshead Bay.

Katya and Derrick learn a piano duet they can play at a benefit for Georgi's elementary school. Kyle convinces Vladimir to stop drinking but he ends up having horrible nightmares among other side effects. He rants on about life in the "old country" and his time with Kyle's grandmother, much to Kyle's discomfort. Meanwhile, Georgi is engaged in a turf war with some other kids from his school. Derrick coaches him to fight back using his smarts. Kyle instead goes to the school and threatens the kids himself. Georgi takes a shine to Kyle while still completely despising Derrick.

Kyle and Derrick get a visit from Jeffrey Augustine, a slick land developer in Manhattan who has been acquiring properties in Sheepshead Bay. He is interested in converting their property into loft condos. He's also interested in converting Katya into his girlfriend. Derrick, witnessing their budding romance, vows to disrupt Jeffrey's foul courtship. With Babasonia's help, Derrick attempts to make Katya look totally undatable. Meanwhile Kyle and Vlad begin to slowly repair the house.

Horace and Boris record a hip hop album for their group "16 Rubles." The album improbably takes off due to a viral music video that the two men shoot on a VHS camera with Derrick and Kyle's help. Suddenly Horace and Boris become worldy sophisticates and thumb their noses at provincial Sheepshead Bay. Jeffrey opens up a Whole Foods-like health food store called Posh Produce. The Russians try to adjust to 7 different trash cans, exotic vegetables, meat substitutes, and complex line payment systems. Vlad becomes addicted to lemongrass infused jicama coladas.

After Kyle disrespects Yvgeny at the steam room, Vlad must step in to protect Kyle. The two Russian men agree on a bare knuckled boxing match to fight for their honor. Kyle and Derrick train Vlad in the style of Rocky 3, using wheelbarrows and sacks of potatoes. Meanwhile, Yvgeny trains with Horace and Boris in a gym with all the latest and greatest electronic technology (from the 80's). Vlad insists on having one drink to calm his nerves but winds up getting drunk. The fight devolves into a messy wrestling match in the backroom of a trophy shop.

In order to take Kyle's mind off work, Vlad takes Kyle on an excursion to Coney Island. They ride roller coasters, eat cotton candy, and bond over a vicious round of "Shoot The Freak." Meanwhile, Derrick accompanies Katka, Babasonia, and Georgi to a fencing match. Katya tries to teach Derrick the basics of fencing. Babasonia insists that the American practice against Georgi, who nearly takes Derrick's head off.

The guys raise enough money to pay off their debts to the housing board. Vlad reveals that he is Kyle's grandfather. Derrick helps Georgi make a slingshot. Katya, seeing her brother finally warming up to the American, agrees to go on a date with Derrick. Just as he is about to kiss her, a crane with a wrecking ball appears outside their house. Jeffrey claims to be building a new stadium for the Brooklyn Cyclones. Yvgeny, Horace, and Boris offer the Americans a chance to run a Brighton Beach..